Child Psychology

5- Let the Child Be a Child

A child was visited at home by his friend. That night the child declined to sleep in his room. He insisted on joining the parents in their bedroom. The fear of his room was triggered when the friend asked the child if he was not afraid to sleep so close to a window when ghosts and spirits peep directly into the room.

The tactful approach to the situation should have been for the parents to accede to what the child had pleaded for, at least, for that night knowing that such fears wear off or become much less the next day. Instead they thought it a good opportunity to enforce the parental discipline over the child so that he abandons what was perceived as a "sissy" trait.

The parents, after a peaceful sleep with no sense of guilt, woke up in the morning fully pleased with the result of their "putting the foot down". And they would not ask the child how he slept because that would have undermined the disciplinary strategy of the night. Indeed Why?

Needless to say, the child was restless that night because - he was a human-child, - and if only the parents knew that! "Why believe in a ghost or spirit when you have seen none and will see none of them ever in your life"? The father's argument kept ringing in the child's ears; and he would ask himself: "Indeed why"?

The child was betraying nothing more than a simple natural fear of an Unseen -never seen before -because he, as human, has been created in the nature of readily believing in the Unseen that Unseen which basically includes Allah, Angels, Jinnat (Spirits) and Shaitaan CSatan). No Wonder that the fundamental teaching in Islam is "AI- Imaan bil Ghaib" that is, "the Belief in the Unseen".CVerse 2:3).

Therefore, the human nature makes a wood-cutter instinctively cry out when his axe accidentally falls sharply on his foot, though he is all alone in the forest. The instinct in its reflex response makes him, the created, to cry out to his Creator, the Unseen. Fear -Mental Normalcy.

The subject of "Al-ghaib" reveals one thoughtful aspect for discussion here. Fear! It is part of the instinct for self-preservation or survival. It is not something that a child can be made ashamed of. In fact, manifestation of fear is a welcome sign of a mental normalcy in him.

The parents should instead keep the mind of the child at rest by making a joke of their own past embarrassment Over false fears or by cracking a few jokes on themselves on the subject.

To ask the child to banish fear is like asking him to banish his human instinct. Remember the wood-cutter? Was his piercing cry of moan in the lonely forest a waste? No! It immediately comforted him in his pain. The instinct of Seeking out the Unseen with a cry of moan comes as an immediate relief to all of us. But we do not pause to ponder.

It is said that fear as part of the human instinct begins even before a baby is born. Some pregnant mothers are reported to have noticed that a sudden loud noise or a. sudden let go heavily onto the couch produced distinct signs of disturbance in the baby in the womb akin to the Signs of fear.

Fear in Children. Let us conclude the discussion by the comments on the following quotation from a good authority on the natural aspect of fear in the children:

"Another characteristic of the child's personality is the presence of many fears. These fears result from uncertainty combined with easy recourse to imagination. The imagination runs toward superlatives and when a child indulges in fantasy, things are either very attractive or very threatening."

We can ascribe a reason for this in the context of Islam; Imagination by the child or his fantasy is a phase of manifestation of his attempt at perceiving things which are and remain Unseen. The child's negative fear of the worst" because it is caused by his uncertain of an Unseen like ghost and spirit itself indicates one impor- tant thing, -the existence of the natural positive capacity also for "submission to the best", that is, his Creator, -in the realm of the Unseen -because it is derived from 'certainty' which is "Al lmaan bil Ghaib".

So let the child be a child under the dictates of a child's nature while he as a child gropes in the dark for light, that is, knowledge leading to faith and then conviction, which he attains one after the other regarding the Unseen later in his adult life.

6- Spare the Child from Inferiority Complex

(Part 1 of 3) A young person enters a crowded mosque or imambara through the front door a sermon or preaching is going on. Believing that all eyes are on him, he unconsciously touches his nose once or twice with his hand before he finds a place This is not an inferiority complex; - only shyness. - that type which shows.

While shyness is an embarrassment if there is awareness that it shows, an inferiority complex is an agony. It is not fairly easy to adjust to if it begins in childhood, mostly cultivated in the child by the parents unknowingly. It affects the personal' the child when an adult. It is only fair that parents are advised in detail on the subject, which is known generally more by its name than substance. The length of discussion will necessitate presentation to be in three separate parts.

The complex in a person is not as much a feeling of inferiority or "seeing onself small" -as believing that others see him so. This belief is not always true. It take a form of an obsession in rare cases if the condition is severe originating childhood. Flattered Let us consider one example: A boy is flattered when a group of older boys eng in smoking -and to him they are an 'elite group' because not many of that age s cigarettes -"favours" him with a few puffs -the first spell in his life -and he tries to suppress the bouts of coughing attendant with nausea. He finds himself a happy boy without having to tolerate any more puffs. But then, the elite group who exhibit the supposed manhood-personality will see him as "inferior" to them. This presumption braves him for more spells of smoking to set him on the path of habitual smoking.

As no sane person is perfectly and fully sane; no person is also fully or entirely free from the condition under discussion. However, the condition becomes a "complex" and known as such only when It exceeds the normal level In a person.

The feeling of being "small" is natural and right with a small child when he finds him- self truly so in size in the family. The family is his only world and the father the only hero he idolizes. So he likes to imitate the behaviour and actions of his father (girl with those of the mother) as his model (hero) to counter the feeling of being small and to impress himself and others in the family that he is catching up with his model in behaviour and actions, if not in size.

A Tale of Slippers

Let us consider a pertinent example: The father with severe coughing is alarmed to find that his small child has also started coughing. He is not only relieved but also amused when assured by the doctor that the child was imitating him -and what a "natural" actor for his age!

Another example: The small child clumsily walks with a pair of father's slippers on, and often loses balance. The family seeing his interest and labour in the use of slippers buy him a pair of his size which he uses for an hour or longer until the novelty of the new slippers (like a new toy) wears off. Then the child ignores the pair of his comfortable size and resumes the use of his father's -because it is not the slippers f which are the point of focus for him.

The child therefore expects from the parents nothing less than an affectionate acknowledgement and approval of his single-minded adoration of the parents and imitation of their behaviour. He -equipped by his own trust in himself -trusts them.

With such a position of trust, however, it is often the parents who can cause unknowingly the rise in the condition gradually and steadily in the child above the normal level and place the first fateful layer as the base for an inferiority complex. Once this occurs, the base then attracts a pile up of more layers, one after the other, from out- side the home -in school, sports ground, in meetings, debate -and the ugly edifice of the complex will have been raised.

Normally it is not possible for the parents or others to detect the condition in a person nor attribute any particular behaviour of the moment to the influence of the complex. What is worse is that the person who undergoes the nagging belief that he is being seen small or unimportant also believes that the condition is normal with others too, as victims, in the society.

Sijdah (Prostration}

However, the condition varies from person to person in traits and also in degrees (that is, in the number of layers) among those who are subject. Those who grow learning not to attach undue importance to the glitters of this transient world instead cultivate the conviction of a better life in the Hereafter are the persons can very well adjust themselves in their adult life and wear off the condition.

Sijidah, if its significance is well understood, can, for example, serve as an antidote. The face, the best visible part of the body is brought down to the lowest level possible where the leg, accustomed to dirt, tread; and then intoned is the moving testimony: that "All Glory to My Lord only - the Exalted" -while all other human beings - His slaves -are lowly and insignificant except for what He bestows on them out His Grace. No wonder, there appears no inclination to lift up the face from the spiritually soothing posture of Sijdah but then for every next Sijdah the head has to be once again!.

The Bible too mentions about the Sijdah practiced by the previous Prophets appropriate occasions. How surprising that a person of whatever station of life c through his profound humbleness to his Lord enjoy a sense of superiority in the society in that respect and dictate values in his relation with others on the position strength derived from that humbleness.

"The nearest position of man's servitude (a bondsman) to Allah is when he is in t state of prostration (sijdah)". Hadeeth of the Prophet. And then, the holy Qur'an also repeatedly questions us if we, the mortals, have n traversed the earth and seen what have remained of those in the past who thought themselves to be mighty and ever-lasting. and sensed themselves superior in material terms during their time of pomp in this life.