My Body Started To Tremble With Fear and Tears Were Flowing
I have been reading the stories of people converting to Islam for quite a while now and decided to tell everyone about my story. It is a bit different than others in fact I was born in a Muslim family in the United Kingdom and have lived here all my life.
My parents came to this country before I was born. I have three sisters and one brother. Even though I was born in a Muslim family none I knew were practising. All I knew was that I had a Muslim name, couldnt eat pork and the white peoples meat, and was not allowed to show my legs.
I had a really disturbing childhood my father used to physically and mentally abuse my mother and all of us. He used to drink and have extra marital affairs. We were very afraid of him and could never talk to him freely. As growing up I lacked self-confidence and was very shy because I used to be put down a lot by my father.
When I was about nine years old we went to Pakistan to live as my dad was afraid we didnt speak their language i.e. Punjabi and were not familiar with the culture. We stayed there for five years I would say it was a good thing as we were taught reciting the Quran, praying salaat and we went to school which taught us about Islamic history but still nothing that made an effect.
We came back to England and things were a bit better than
before my dad wasnt as abusive. My sister wanted to marry a man but my father disapproved so she ran off to get married to him. I was aware of this and tried to talk her out of it but she had made her mind up. I also left on the same day and went to a hostel as I was afraid what my father would do to me.
I hated it, there were other Asian girls living there but I didnt like the way they were. They had boyfriends and lived like white girls I cried for two days and decided to go home as I didnt want to live like that. It was horrible going back and getting cursed by my dad but there was nowhere to go.
I remember praying to Allah that I didnt want to commit suicide and I didnt want to live either. I asked him to help me and get me out of this tough time. Suddenly things started to get better, my uncles son who I hadnt seen for a very long time came to our house and we were attracted to each other. We got married and he is everything I wanted in a husband at that time he was very trusting and gave me freedom and basically let me do what I wanted to in its limits. He used to pray the jummah salaat and thats about it.
After I had my second child my husband changed, he said that the following Ramadan we will begin to pray salaat and read the Quran translation tapes his father gave to us a couple of years ago. I said well I tried to make excuses that I couldnt remember to pray may Allah forgive me. So I put the cassette on and began to listen to the Quran I cannot explain what effect it had on me my body started to tremble with fear and tears were flowing from my eyes. I felt like I was the worst person on earth for not living the way Allah swt has told us. I began to pray five times a day and read all the Quran by meaning, that Ramadan I will never forget as it changed my life and my husbands forever. Since then we have become stronger in our faith I have began to wear a hijab and my husband has kept a beard. He intends to perform Hajj next year Insha Allah and I pray that Allah calls for
me and makes a way for me too as I have three young sons whom we are trying to in our best ability to bring them up as the Quran and the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has told us to.
I have made it my life to gain knowledge about the Islamic way of life and pray that we all get Allahs guidance before it is too late. My message to all my Muslim brothers and sisters is to not just recite the Quran but actually understand the message Allah has sent for all mankind through the Prophet as a guidance to us to save us from the punishment of the hellfire, and for us to be successful in achieving Allahs mercy and heaven as a reward. Ameen
Holy Quran 72:13***
And that when we heard the guidance, we believed in it; so whoever believes in his Lord, he should neither fear loss nor being overtaken (by disgrace).***