Daughters of Another Path (experience of American Women Choosing Islam)

Introduction

The first time I saw Fiddler on the Roof I became upset with Tevye, the father who was so tied to his traditions that he broke the ties with one daughter and almost with the other two because they chose different "traditions." Those girls are good persons who will live good lives even if it isn't in the tradition of their parents. Why not leave them alone? I thought. Then I learned firsthand about the struggle that goes with having one's child break with traditional expectations. Like Tevye, I experienced rejection and anger and grief. Our daughter, Jodi, seemed to learn well one of the concepts I wanted to teach her: "Missouri is not the only place in the world; there is a whole world out there to explore. God loves all people, so we need to be open to them and have a global concept of life." I was happy that some of her friends were from other countries.

Then I began to see that she was getting serious about Reza, a young man from Iran. Soon she announced her intention to marry him and eventually live in Iran. He was a person that we really enjoyed knowing. But to have our daughter marry him and go off to a foreign country. . . . I replayed in my mind the scene of Tevye watching his second daughter board the train, knowing he would probably never see her again. In time, however, my husband, Joe, and I came to accept the idea and knew that we had grown as a result. Although Muslim, Reza seemed open and accepting, and we felt that Jodi was secure in her beliefs in Christ and our church. Her marriage in the church at Warrensburg was a tremendously happy occasion. Since Reza and Jodi were completing their degrees, I told myself it would be years before they would go: to Iran. Perhaps bithen they would change their minds.

Within two years my fears about her move to Iran were superseded by a greater one--jodi's decision to convert to Islam. It had never occurred to me that she might voluntarily choose a different religious tradition than that of our family. But she did. This book presents my story, and Jodi' a, and the changes that occurred in our relationship with her commitment to become Muslim. Also presented are the stories of several other American-born women who have converted to Islam---their backgrounds, their reasons for converting, their acceptance of the principles of Islam which they find so appealing, and what it has meant for their lives and their families. Leaving behind the Western modernistic society that shaped them, they have committed themselves to a way of life dictated by Islamic principles as interpreted in the community of Muslims with whom they worship and with whom they associate.

My hope is that the reader of this book will gain a clearer understanding of the young, American-born women who have chosen Islam, how and why they converted, and the strength that choosing this path has given to them. As these women describe living out Islamic principles in their daily lives, non-Muslims can not only learn about the Islamic way but also discover how best to relate to these Muslim women in the workplace, as relatives and as friends or acquaintances. For many of us, these are our daughters, sisters, granddaughters, cousins, friends, or co-workers who have chosen another path of faith to God. May this book be an opportunity to cross over for a .brief time to understand their approach and commitment to another path.

1. Daughters of Another Path Women Becoming Muslim in America

She may be shopping at the mall, driving or riding in a car, studying in university classes, or sharing an office in the workplace. Her dress is modest, a scarf covering her hair with only her face and hands uncovered (although even her face may be veiled). She wears outfits that are usually neat but not showy, sometimes reflecting foreign fashion. She is very conspicuous in our society, often triggering thoughts like "strange religion," "terrorist," "fundamentalist," "mystery," "foreign," or "oil," and she makes us feel uncomfortable and alienated. Expecting to hear a heavy accent when speaking to her, one may be shocked if she sounds just like any American-hummmm! "Where are you from?" the curious observer might ask. 'Toledo, Ohio," she may reply. But it could have been any other city or town. "Oh, really?" the observer responds, somewhat taken back realizing that she is one of us.

A growing number of American-born women in the United ' States and Canada have converted to Islam and call themselves Muslim like any other follower of Islam. Many hold to the tradition of wearing hijab* (covering) in public. Others don't feel it necessary to cover and are, therefore, less noticeable but are

________________________ *A Glossary of Islamic Terms, following Appendix C, gives o definitions for all Islamic terms referred to in the text or quotes.

also among the slowing number of converts in the United States and Canada. No one knows for sure how many of the world's one billion Muslims live in the United States and Canada, but the American Muslim Council of Washington, D,C., estimates the Muslim population to be between 6 and 8 million including American-born converts, those who have immigrated, and a growing number of children born Muslim in America. Thus Islam may already have more followers in the United States than Judaism which has 5.5 million adherents. This would make Islam the second-leading religion after Christianity. The growing number of mosques and student centers also reflects the emerging presence of Islam. Around 1985 there were approximately six hundred mosques, student centers, and other Islamic centers with the numbers growing. Muslim history in the United States is fairly short. The booklet, A Century qf Islam in America,(1) indicates three waves of Muslim immigration. The first occurred in 1875 with migrant laborers, uneducated and unskilled workers willing to work hard. Many stayed, but those who returned home encouraged others to come to America. The second wave in the 1930s was stopped by World War II. The third wave of immigrants in the '50s and '6es tended to be welt educated and from influential families, often trying to escape political oppression or to obtain higher education.

Muslims tend to group in the larger cities where they have support from each other. Many of the larger universities have active Muslim groups, It is here they learn from and help each other live the Muslim lifestyle that is at times difficult to blend with the schedule and activities of the American society. Muslims are obligated to fisllow the practices of Islam in every detail in daily life. These practices are dictated by the Qur'an and the Hadith (the reported sayings, deeds, and practices of Muharnmad), and by the other examples attributed to Prophet Muhammad. Unique in many Western settings is the right to practice

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1. Yvonne Y. Haddad, A Century of Islam (Washington, D.C.: The Middle East Institute, 1986).

religion as one desires, which extends to Muslims the opportunity to live their lives Islamically as interpreted in their community. Western countries once identified as Judeo-Christian countries may need to recognize they are becoming judeo-Christian-Muslim societies. The growth of Islam in the Western Hemisphere is fast becoming a major topic for media coverage. The expansion of Islam is a major contemporary issue for all North Americans &though most Americans know little about either the principles of Islam or its history. Islam had its beginning in the Arabian Peninsula during the seventh century when Muhammad received divine revelations from God (Allah) through the angel. Gabriel. These were received by Muhammad who spoke them orally, and the recitations were eventually written down to form the Qur'an (or Koran), the Muslim's sacred book, which is considered to be the literal and final word of God to the world. Islam Enters My World Fourteen years ago our daughter Jodi married a young man from Iran and soon converted to Islam. She began wearing the cover and learning to live and practice as a Muslim. The next few years were a time of grief and adjustment for our family. In the intervening years we have grown to appreciate the strength and commitment of our daughter and her American -Muslim fiends.

From this personal experience I decided to collect the stories of American-born women who converted to Islam. I developed and distributed a questionnaire and soon began receiving many personal expressions of strength. and faith, Many North Americans (including United States and Canada) are familiar with the book and movie, No Without my Daughter; the movie, True Lies, or other articles and media comments filled with negative portrayals of Muslims. We rarely have the opportunity on a personal level to observe the quality of life that American-born women who have become, Muslim have in their Islamic commitment. I felt that a more positive image was needed, and by gathering and sharing some of the stories of these Americana born women who have converted to Islam, that desire within me has been accomplished. The intent is not to use each story in total but to use portions to unfold the stories and faith journeys of some who chose to convert to Islam. Woven in with these stories is my own story as a mother of one who became Muslim. Here is an opportunity to also find out about the beliefs of Islam and how it is lived out on a daily basis by its disciples.

Overview of Survey Results

The questionnaire (Appendix A) was distributed at several Muslim conferences and also mailed to those who heard about the survey and called in, or were referred by others. Of the 350 questionnaires distributed, fifty-three women responded representing diverse regions across North America: Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Virginia, New Jersey, Indiana, Oregon, Alabama, Texas, California, Louisiana, Washington, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Arkansas, Vermont, and Ontario. These fifty-three respondents thoughtfully spent many hours answering the in-depth questions presented to them. The educational level of the women responding ranges from high school graduate to doctorate. Fifty-three percent hold a bachelor's degree or above. Thirty-five percent of the women have B.A. or B.S. degrees, 12 percent have M.A. or M.S. degrees and 6 percent have MD. or Ph.D. degrees. At the time they responded, seven of the women were college students working toward a higher degree.

The age range was from twenty-one to forty-seven years of age with 40 percent of the respondents in their twenties, 48 percent in their thirties, and 12 percent in their forties. The number of years the women have been Muslim ranged from six months to twenty-two years. Those who have been Muslim six months to three years constitute 32 percent; four to six years, 24 percent; and seven to ten years, 20 percent. Twenty-four percent of the respondents have been Muslim eleven years or longer with the two longest at nineteen years and twenty-two years. Approximately 40 percent of the women work outside the home either part-time or full-time, two women have their own in- home businesses, and 12 percent are working toward college degrees. One-half are full-time homemakers with 25 percent of those choosing to home school their children of school age. Although 75 percent of the women have children, not all of the children are of school age. Forty-seven percent send their children to public schools, 11 percent have children enrolled in non- Muslim private schools, 26 percent have children in Islamic schools, and 26 percent home school. This adds up to more than 100 percent because some families have children in two or three of the different school settings.

In observing the common practices of Islam, only two of the women in this survey are not currently wearing hijab full-time. For the most part, all are involved in daily prayers, fasting at Ramadan, and participating in ongoing study regarding Islam. Eighteen percent indicated they eat meats other than halal (approved) meats with the exception of pork which is strictly forbidden. Ninety percent of the women in the study are married and reflect successful and happy marriages at the time of the survey. They indicate much satisfaction at the position they feel is theirs in the Islamic setting. Some of those who are single as a result of divorce, widowhood, or never marrying indicate that they are uncomfortable at times in Muslim gatherings. They expressed the belief that marriage would give them a better position in the Muslim community. Since, being married is considered "the natural state" in the Islamic community, they feel a loss of power, for it is through a husband that they would have connection and input into decisions made at the mosque.

Their responses represent extremely positive reactions to their chosen Muslim lifestyle, by contrast to the more negative stories often heard in the media.. M in the American society at large, one can assume the stories of most American-born Muslim women range from happy and well-adjusted, through the in-between "life-is-okay-but" stories, to those stories which contain much grief and unhappiness. In this study, most of the women have found fulfillment and happiness in their decision to live a specific lifestyle-Islam.