Family Life

Section 3: The Relationship Between Hope and Success in the Family

 
Everyone looks towards his/her future life either by planning or by daydreaming about what can happen. Human beings live with hope and struggle. A mother feeds her baby with hope. A farmer plants his seeds with hope. A young man marries with hope of a family and prosperous future and independence from his family.

A patient who places himself in the hands of surgeon and takes bitter medicine lives with hope. In short, success and joy in material and intellectual matters is due to hope for the future, because human nature is based on hope. This nature changes when the human deviates from his original path and becomes hopeless and disappointed.
 
Family is the smallest social unit and is the first center for shaping and training the individuals and social personalities under the light of success and hope. It is such that with hope one can have happy and active children and educate them based on true and proven scientific methods and prepare them for a shinning future.

Without doubt a baby learns family’s methods of deciphering aims and goals, struggling, and these are all accompanied by hope. On the other hand, impeding education, delinquency, narcissism, emptiness and not being purposeful are the results of wrong methods of training and destroy a child’s hope.
 
It is necessary to mention that hope is a motivation and a key to success when it is accompanied by will-power and careful planning. Otherwise, life becomes nothing more than a mirage.
 
Negative and weak willed human beings not only cannot benefit from fruitful positions but also always disturb others and use their inner power to prevent work progress. They always use words such as “impossible” and “cannot” and sit silent and motionless in a corner and disappoint others.
 
Have you ever observed how fathers’ and mothers’ negative or positive dispositions and suggestions have influence on their children’s deeds and mentality and what kinds of results they obtain? They weaken a child’s will by destroying his/her hope. Then they darken the future of adolescents and young people by speaking ill of society and country leaders. As a result young people lose their life’s purpose and their Islamic and spiritual values decrease.
 

Difference Between Hoping And Wishing

 
Hope is a suitable desire that is attainable in the future, and therefore because of its possibility is based on reality. So hope is a mental phenomenon such that the more it is based on reality and truth the more suitable and efficient it is.
 
A wish on the contrary refers to something, which is unobtainable, and there is no hope or indication that it may happen in the future. A wish is expressed through phrases such as: “I wish it was…”, “I wish something like that happens….”

Therefore, human beings with far reaching wishes are forced to waste his mental energy in formulating reasons, reforming what he perceives as reality, and eliminating illogical selections of the truth. In this expression wishing is a kind of want that is unobtainable. So it might become the source of negative effects in the future and shortcomings in duties related to the present.

A far-reaching and unrealistic wish distances the human from Allah, and destroys his education and training. Allah said to Prophet Musa (A.S): “O Musa do not have far reaching wishes in this world because you will become hard-hearted.

Constructive Hope

 
 
Hope and good opinion towards Allah is the secret of many individual, social, moral and material successes. This world holds an important place in the dictionary of Islamic education, and the verse of the Holy Qur’an encourages hope in Allah and reproach hopelessness in Allah’s grace. Allah wants the sinners to return to Him with hope in His grace and to repent. It is the only way to restrain deviation and direct man to the right path.
Allah in the Qur’an says:
 
**“**O my servants! Who have acted extravagantly against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allah…”(Holy Qur’an 39:53)
 
 
In this verse, Allah speaks to the sinners using the word ‘My slaves’ and this shows how He is merciful and compassionate to his servants. Some-times you encounter people that say, “Despite being optimist and hopeful I never embrace success in my life”. I want to be virtuous and a believer, I want to be unselfish and helpful, I want to study and be good humored but I don’t know what the obstacle in my way is? And how I can succeed?
 

Success and Lack of Success

 
Success is attaining which man wills for, both moral and material affairs. Of course success is not due to the mere talent of the person but it is related to her/his efforts and endeavors. In this way a virtuous person with strong will power and control over the things which enters his heart and mind and his selfish needs will succeed. Man uses all his mental, psychological and physical powers in order to succeed. A successful family always controls their child’s activities and behavior and supervises him/ her with full efforts and spends their time and money to train their children, so that they are protected from deviation and error at the hands of friends and be-come the manifestation of both human and Islamic values.
 
One, who in addition to familiarity with the rights of spouses, takes them into consideration and is thankful to his/her spouse, leads a good life.
 

Characteristics of a Hopeless Person

 
One of the characteristics of a hopeless per-son is that he always says: “I will come to nothing.” “I won’t have a shinning future,” etc. Being pessimistic, by destroying hope in themselves, they be-come a vertical dead body, which sits and looks for-ward at his/her dark and vague future. They always make pretexts and make statements like:
“If I didn’t have a spouse and children……..” “If I was healthy enough ……….”
“If I was lucky …………”

These are all pretexts. There are many persons who progressed and improved their condition with-out being young or having a spouse and children.

One who calculates everything according to material criteria and neglects Allah’s grace will fall into depression and hopelessness. But hope in God’s all encompassing power and constant attention to His servants and that Allah wants for life and to reinforce hope is important in their spirit, while using material means one should trust in Allah and empower his/her soul to start and complete his/her du ties. The Glorious Qur’an states:
 
**“**Surely by Allah’s remembrance are the hearts at rest”. (Holy Qur’an 13:28)
 
Turning away from and forgetting Allah cause mental insecurity. Allah in this regard says:
 
**“**And whoever turns away from My reminder, he shall surely be a straitened life, and We will raise him on the day of resurrection, blind”. (Holy Qur’an 20:124).
 
We can preserve our mental stability by using correct methods, strong belief and relying on Allah at sensitive stages of individual and social problems.
 

1. If you are able, reveal your worries and problems to reliable and accepted persons and ask for their guidance and advice. Although they may not be able to help you- that is the most urgent remedy to anxiety and worries.
    
2. Be satisfied and appreciative of what you have such as wealth, vocation, spouse and children. Think about their values and righteousness. Never compare your life with the well-to-do life of an-other, but compare it with persons who are less fortunate than yourself. Because the latter will make you reassured, content and satisfied with your blessings granted by Allah.
    
   Salman al-Farsi, the great follower of the Messenger of Allah (SAW) says:
   “…The Prophet advised me to consider seven points in any case: The first one is to look at the people who lead a life lower than mine and not to the people who are higher than me. The other is to love the oppressed and accompany them …..”
    
3. Treat your heart by reciting the Holy Qur’an and supplications.