The Art of Social Relations

Introduction

If we want to put a big signboard at the beginning of this topic, shall we find a better or more suggestion than the following: "Oh my son! Consider yourself a scale between yourself and others; love for your brother what you love for yourself, and hate for your brother what you hate for yourself.

Do not oppress as you don't want to be oppressed; do good to others as you want for yourself, dislike for others what you dislike for yourself. Accept people as they also accept you; do not say what you do not know, even if your knowledge is little, and do not say (to others) what you hate to be said to yourself."

In short, this "signboard" wants to tell us: Make yourself a balance between you and other people; a positive thing in relation to you is positive to others, and likewise, anything negative to you is also negative to others. Indeed, if we take this golden advice, what can we get from it?

1- Practicing this theory will make us just, and justice is the main aim of the whole humanity. There is nothing more superior and more important as justice among people. With this theory, you cannot wait for justice to reach you from others; rather you go for it so as to be the first person to practice it. Naturally, good attracts good, and justice calls toward justice.

2- Practicing this precious theory will change life from a place of massacres and bomb blasts to a place of beauty and growth. In other words, it will be changed into a small paradise.

When someone, brothers, friends or any other human being, becomes related to me. I remember him in my happiness and unhappi-ness. I understand what makes him sad by what makes me sad. And, likewise, when I know what he likes by what I like and I do it for him, I will be among those who turn the dryness of life into paradise and happiness.

In addition, this theory is not Islamic alone, rather it, also, relates to the sense of humanity. Thus, Islam - as it is clear - is human in nature in all its teachings. And not only Islam, but, all the Divine religions believe and follow such moral and social principles. Even some psychologists and sociologists call toward it in the process of social rehabilitation and human relations.

James Bander, the head of the Civil Institute for Human Relations in New York, said: "The first theory described by the philosophers is the view represented in the eternal saying: 'Love for your brother what you love for yourself'". It is derived from the theory that helps in attracting people, and regards it as the first and most important step in reaching "an attractive personality."

The author of the book, "How to Attract Friends", Dayel Carnigy has said: "Show your concern toward others to the best of your ability, because it is your wealth which will increase in growth whenever you spend it." The question here is this: Is the path of attaining an Islamic and social personality - the one which makes you love and be loved - you like it and other people like it - practica-ble?

(With all simplicity, we can say: Yes…but!)

The word 'but', in most instances, changes things upside down, but here it is just a reminder, reminding us that the 'yes' requires a particular and special effort in order to make it good and perfect. Because the art of social relations is like any other art, we cannot obtain it just like that, rather it is an art, which requires action and endeavor.

It is possible, in the initial stage, that we will find it difficult, but with time it will become enjoyable; a social and spiritual enjoyment. One day you will find yourself opening hearts to those close to you saying: "I am ready to let you into my heart… I am ready to do it!"

By this, you will see that the closed hearts of others toward you will be opened to you once they see and feel the sincerity of your love and respect towards them, because there is nothing more attractive to love than love, to the heart more than the heart, to kindness more than kindness, to good relations than good relations. An experienced philosopher said: "The possessors of intellects have many enviers, but those who possess hearts, their friends are many."

It is, unanimously, accepted by people that man is a social being that attracts and is attracted, to the extent that if he lives alone for a period of time he will become wild. In both cases - happiness and misery - he needs someone who will accompany him, who will share his happiness at the time of happiness, and likewise, his sorrow at the time of sorrow.

From here, we understand that the saying "others are evil" propagated by Western artists, is originated from the values that lack the warmth of social relations and from the feeling caused by the non-Islamic society, as well as, from the competitive environment which many a time encourages toward harming others.

Indeed, a true believer living in a safe society can never accept and live under this black and harmful theory. It is possible that our friends might cause some problems for us, but we can, through wisdom, patience and caution, find a way to attract them toward us and, thereafter, we know how to make them our friends.

It is reported from the former United States president Abraham Lincoln that a woman heard him praising his enemies. She asked him in a surprising tone: "You are praising those enemies who are working for your destruction?" He said: "Am I not destroying them when I make them my friends?!"

Before him (Lincoln), the Prophets (peace be upon them) and their leader the Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) had followed this way of breaking the enmity of their foes and making them their friends. And, likewise, this way was followed by the Holy Imams (Ahlul-Bait) (a.s.) and other saints. They made their enemies their friends and followers.

Indeed, it is a great human theory for the one who faces evil with good. He will strike down evil and make it shake like a slaughtered animal until it breathes its last breath. It makes the value of a kind person rise to the state of the Kind and the Forgiver. Indeed it is one of Allah's traits, which becomes compulsory for us, as Muslims, to practice.

A Prophetic narration, in this regard, says: "Do good to the possessor of good as well as to those who lack it, because even if they are not from those who do good, you have become one of the doers of good." Thus, this moral way will take us from the state "envy and evil" to the state of those who practice love and goodness to others. The first state is a state of destruction while the second one is a state of life and growth.

In view of this, if we want to attest to the development and growth of a particular society, we should look into its social relations. If the principles of ethics and its manners govern the relations among its people, we will evaluate that the society is moving toward development and growth. And, likewise, its people, who respect the laws and theories of social development the way a driver respects the laws and regulations of driving, are on the verge of development and civilization.

It is a mistake to think those moral laws and regulations limit man and his activities in the community, or it is in contrast with the meaning of freedom. Indeed, road signs are meant for protecting lives, to reduce the occurrence of painful happenings, as well as, preserving the general security, not for paralyzing people's movement. Thus, moral laws are also meant for protecting the society, as well as, its development.

Thus, naturally we are social beings, and this is what was outlined in many prophetic narrations, like: "Whoever mixes with people and endures their troubles is better than the one who neither mixes with people nor endures their troubles." And in another hadith: "Mix with people so as to complete your religion", and "Staying away from people is a step toward enmity."

In many places, Islam calls us as Muslims to make a sincere and powerful relationship with Islamic societies, as well as, with other people from different religions and schools of thought provided that we should safeguard the teachings, morals and principles of our religion 'Islam' and its legislative laws.

Indeed, the one who runs away from people, lives in isolation, casts his problems upon others, and considers them (his problems) hell, and suffers from their behavior, such man never wants to live in reality, nor lightens even one candle or two instead of remaining in darkness and insulting others.

Prophet Moses (a.s.), while talking to his Lord, said: "Oh Lord! Protect me from people's tongues. He said: Oh Moses! You are asking something that I didn't make it for Myself." Indeed, there is a lesson in the famous story that talks about a father and his child and their donkey for those who want to consider.

One thing that will make people accept you and be friendly with you and, your being friendly with them, is their justice and good morals toward you and vice versa. One day a Bedouin, from Bani-Tamim tribe, came to the Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.), and said: "Advise me". Among the Prophet's advice to him was this: "Love people so that they will love you." And the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "Do not pursued people with your wealth, pursued them with your good habits."

Therefore, Islam suggests that we call people without using our tongues. Piety is propagation (calling people to Islam), good relationship is propagation, honesty, sincerity, and justice are all propagation which have a wonderful effect that words can never achieve.

It is narrated that a Jew accepted Islam as a result of being affected by the good morals of Imam Ali bin Abi-Talib (a.s.) who learned from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.). In this regard, a proverb says: "Actions speak louder than words."

Unfortunately, some of our youth, sometimes, regard and take certain bad examples and proverbs as their models and pacesetters, as a result, they lose their social respect and consideration among people and are pleased for themselves by such bad, negative and dispraised dependence. Among them are: "Behaving like others is a feast" is the saying of a yes-man who always says: "I am from the people and I am one of them." The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) prohibited Muslims from being yes-men, who do not know the succor of good from the succor of evil.

Among the bases of this art (the art of social relation) is to be a pacesetter of others in doing good. If you want to take some people as friends take those who were guided by Allah: those who have good morals.

"These are they whom Allah has guided, therefore, follow their guidance;…" Holy Qur'an (6: 90)

Mu'awiyyah bin Wahab is reported to have said: I asked Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a.s.): "How can we deal with our people and those people who are not on our way?" He said: "Look at your Imams whom you followed, and do as they do, by Allah! They visit their sick ones, and participate in their funeral processions, they become their witness for and against them and give them their trust." From all these introductions, we will try to answer the following four questions:

1- Regarding an attractive Islamic personality, how can one be effective in the society?

2- Base on the basis of the theory of morals…how can we proceed socially?

3- On the basis of the negative part of relations…what are the factors that destroy relations and harm them?

4- And on the basis of good pacesetters…. What are the practical factors of a pioneer, sound, and righteous personality, which improve good relations with others?