The Art of Social Relations

Visiting of the Sick

One of the things that helps in the quick recovery of a sick person or at least reduces his pain is a visit. It is in view of this that Islam encourages this kind of visit and legislated some etiquette for it:

A- Limiting the time of the visit. Prolonging the time may be painful to the sick who needs much time for resting, except if he is the one who requests it.

B- Limit your visit by hearing from the sick one or asking those close to him about his condition and the prescription of the doctors. Do not talk about yourself. Talking and asking about the condition of the sick will serve as a relief to him. C- While visiting the sick, you should try and take something to him as a gift; it might be flowers or something that may be attractive to him and help him through his stay in the hospital.

One day Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a.s.) met some of his companions on the way; he asked them: "Where are you going?" They said: "We are going to visit a sick fellow." He asked them: "Does anyone of you hold an apple, quince, citron or perfume for the sick?" They answered: "None of us carry such things." Then he said: "Did you not know that the sick person feels at ease when something is brought to him." We ought to know that all the mentioned items in the narration are just an example, but we can take anything we feel is of great importance to the sick as a gift.

D- We should pray for the quick recovery and reward for the sick at the time of the visit. We should try and raise his spiritual being, reduce his pain and hope for him protection against anything that may disturb his health again. And, likewise, we should try and strengthen his patience by reciting some verses of the Holy Qur'an, and prophetic narrations and wise sayings.

E- To touch the forehead of the sick person that is suffering from a headache and fever, and put your hand in his hand will make him feel your concern and love. Because this shows that you are concerned with his health. Imam Ali (a.s.) said: "Among the perfections of the visit to a sick person is putting one's hand in the hand of the sick or on his forehead."

F- We must abide by the laws and regulations of the hospital which were enacted for the good of the sick persons. If we meet him sleeping we should not wake him up; we should just leave a message to those close to him hoping for his quick recovery. We can ask if there is any service needed so as to try our best to help.

Visiting Neighbors

Concerning neighbors, the Almighty Allah said: "…and neighbour close to you and neighbour who is a stranger…" Holy Qur'an (4: 36) And, likewise, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "The Arch Angel Gabriel (Jibra'el) continues to talk to me concerning neighbors to the extent that he will inherit from his neighbor." Your neighbor is not just the one whose house is closer to yours; rather your neighbors are the people of your area, or your town or your community. The manners of relating with a neighbor are as follows:

A- Knowing him: It is not virtue to live with a neighbor, whether he is a Muslim or not, without knowing him, greeting and visiting him.

B- Favouring him: The neighbour must preserve the security of his neighbour; he must not hurt him or any of his family members. If any good thing happens to them, he should congratulate them and, likewise, if anything bad happens to them he should console them. He should not raise his voice or the sound of a radio or television so as to disturb his neighbour. If he needs your help, help him, and try and protect his security in his absence.

C- Mutual Assistance: A neighbour should try and help his neighbour in anything possible that needs help.

D- Make him feel loved: Try to show your concern for your neighbour and that you love him by welcoming him, visiting and presenting gifts to him. And if he is sick visit him.

7- The Manners of Saying Farewell and Welcoming a Traveler

Among the advices of Prophet Luqman (peace be upon him) to his child is: "While traveling with people consult them on your issues; do not hang your head. Smile at them; share your properties with them; answer their call if they call you; if they need your help, help them; do not talk much, always pray; be generous with what you have of animals or water or anything else; if they make you a witness of right, be their witness; and give them your opinion if they seek your advice."

Mufadhal bin Umar said: "I went to Abu Abdullah, and he said to me: 'Who is with you?', I said: 'It is one of my brothers'. He said: 'What did he do', I said: 'Since I entered I don't know where he is', then he said: 'Did you not know that whoever is with a believer forty steps, Allah will ask him about him on the day of judgement?'"

Among the manners of farewell are:

A- To pass the Holy Qur'an over the head of the traveler. B- To embrace him and read on his right shoulder:

(ان الدي فرض عليك القران لرادك الى معاد)"

"Verily He Who has ordained the Qur'an unto you certainly brings you back (to your) home;…" Holy Qur'an: (28: 85)

And on his left shoulder:

فالله خير حافظا وهو ارحم الراحمين) )

"But Allah is the Best Guard, and He is the Most Merciful of the merciful ones." (Holy Qur'an (12: 64) C. To hope for his safety while travelling and on his way back.

D- If it is possible you should escort him to where he will start the journey, be it a motor station, railway station or airport; this will make him happy.

E- Do not face him with your needs or what you want him to buy for you unless he asks you to do so.

F- Try to ask about his condition from his relatives or to phone him, if it is possible, and also reply to his letters if he sends any to you.

And when he comes back:

A- Welcome him in the station, if it is possible.

B- Embrace him warmly and thank Allah for his safe return. Show your happiness for his return. It is narrated in a hadith that:

"The best and complete greetings of he who is at home is hand shaking, and the best and complete greetings for a traveler is embracement."

C- Visit him in his house and go with a gift to show your happiness for his return.

**8- The Manners of Condolence: ** The art of social relations doesn't mean that we should only be with people at the time of happiness; rather it requires us to be with them at the time of tragedy also. Maybe the need for comfort and a comforter, for an angry man, is much greater than a happy man.

Among the manners of condolence are:

A. Taking part in the burial activities of the deceased, to walk in a sad mood as if the deceased is ours; and we should continue to recite the words of believing in the will of Allah, like:

(لا اله الا الله)

'La'ilaha Illallah'

(There is no god, but Allah),

و(لا حول ولا قوة الا بالله)

'La hawla wa la quwata illa billah'

(There is nor power but with Allah)

انا لله وانا اليه راجعون))

'Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi Raji'un';

(We are from Allah, and to Him we return)

We should also hold a part of the coffin and continue seeking Allah's forgiveness for the deceased.

B- We should take part in the prayer for the deceased and read chapter 'Fatihah' (the opening chapter in the Qur'an) for him. C- We should escort the deceased to his final resting-place; and, also, comfort his/her family and relatives with the words of sympathy and ask them to be patient with what has happened to them.

D- We should take part in the ceremonies of reading 'fatihah' and du'a (supplications) for the deceased.

E- We should help the family of the deceased with what we can afford, so as to comfort them for the loss.

F- If we are far from the place where our friend or one of his relatives died, we can extend our condolences to his family by telephone, letter, telex, fax, and internet. There are certain common and well-known terms and expressions for extending condolences, which depend on the culture and custom of the people. Among them are

عظم الله اجوركم

"May Allah glorify your rewards."

انا لله وانا اليه راجعون

"(We are from Allah, and to Him we return) "

9- The Manners of Congratulations:

Among the rights of our friend on us is to congratulate him on any success and favour he achieved in life, and, likewise, it is our right upon him to have him do the same thing for us. Indeed, congratulating each other is among the factors of strengthening a friendship between friends. Among the manners of congratulation for success is hoping additional success for the one who is favored with success; and presenting gifts to him to show our happiness and concern for his success.

Among the manners of congratulating the one who is blessed with a new-born child is to give thanks for Allah for the safety of the child and his mother; to pray to Allah to make the child to be brought up under their (parents) care and, also, to make him (the child) among the true believers; and we should follow it with gifts.

Also, among the manners of congratula-tion for marriage is to hope for the couple's safety, understanding of each other and having children; and likewise, presenting suitable gifts to the couple.

10. The Manner of Entertaining Guests:

Entertaining a guest is something known and good in Islam, which regards entertaining guests as one of the good habits. It is reported in a hadith that: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Day of Judgement should entertain his guests."

Thus, the manners of entertaining a guest at a feast, or on the occasion of marriage, buying a house or breaking the fast in the month of Ramadhan are:

A- Show a warm welcome to the guest and let him sit down in a suitable place, or leave the choice up to him. B- Give the guest the freedom of choosing what to say while in his company. C- While waiting for the meal of the occasion, let him choose what is suitable for himself, from books, newspapers or watching television or talking to other people, lest he feels loneliness. D- Do not be slow in bringing the food, and if it is possible you should choose a nice food for the guest, one that will be the best and most complete entertainment for the guest.

E- If your guest decides to sleep in your house, you should prepare a nice place for him to sleep; show him the Qibla (the prayer-direction) and where the toilet is; prepare a nice handkerchief for him, and seek his permission whenever you want to enter the room in the morning. In short, try to show your guest that he is the owner of the house, as one poet says:

"Oh! My guest, if you visit us you will find that We are guests and you are the owner of the house."

11- Manners on the Street:

Being the fact that we do not know most of the people on the street, this doesn't mean we should forget about our morals of relationship with our companions on the street. Good morals are for those we know and for those that we don't know; for those whom we know, in order to strengthen our relationship with them and for those we don't know, in order to show a humanitarian face. Islam has enacted some etiquette while on the street; here are some:

A- Lower your eyes while walking on the street; face the direction you are going and do not turn away much.

B- It may happen that something disturbs your temper on the way; remember that as you are in your house, you are also on the street, thus, your obligation is your obligation, your manner is your manner, protect yourself respect and personality wherever you are.

C- Remove any harmful thing on the street, because those people who are moving on the street are your brothers either in religion or in humanity. It is reported in a prophetic hadith that: "Do not hesitate from doing anything good even if it is moving away any harmful thing on the way".

D- Spread peace by greeting all people - those you know and those you don't - in order to spread safety and tranquility on the street.

E- Do not block the way with anything, because the street is for everybody, not for you alone.

F- Being the fact that the street is the right for all, therefore, it is not good to spit on it nor throw waste and garbage on the street, because dirtying the street is harming the general health; your health included. Put your waste and refuses in special places meant for them.

G- Help those who need your help by picking up what falls down of their properties, or help those who may have problems in their means of transportation. Give your help to those who need it especially those in dire need of it, because it is possible that one day, you may need others' help; even if you don't at least you have done a good work.

H- If you park your car in a special place, do not cause a rise in its sound. Do not start it carelessly for the purpose of protecting your health and the health of others.

12. The Manners of Relations With Elders:

Relations with elders - whether they are our parents or teachers and scholars - have their own special manner. Islam enjoins Muslim youth to respect them. It is reported in a hadith that: "Among the respect of the Almighty Allah is respecting elders" If an elder is from the people of merit (respected family), he has two kinds of respect; respect for his age and respect for his merit.

As relations with children requires mercy, educating them, forgiveness and patience, likewise, relations with elders has its own basis:

A- Do not argue with them, nor repay their wrong doing with wrong doing. Direct his attention to his mistakes in a better way as Imam Hasan and Husain did, when they drew the attention (when they were children) to an old man who didn't know how to perform ablution. When they requested him to judge among them as to who knows how to perform ablution correctly, the old man realized that they were right and that it was he who was not performing ablution correctly.

B- Do not proceed an elder while moving, and do not sit down before he sits. You should give him a place in a meeting; and you must respect him wherever he may be.

C- Redeem him by assessing his favour to you and the greatness of his good to you which requires sacrifice and respect. We should protect them, especially parents "And We have enjoined on man goodness unto his parents." Holy Qur'an (29: 8) and likewise, our teacher being our second father or mother. Indeed, our teachers deserve respect both orally and practically.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "Sitting down with learned religious men is an honor both in this world and in the hereafter." Prophet Luqman (a.s.) told his son: "Oh my son! Sit down with scholars, disturb them with your knee, because the Almighty Allah revives hearts with the light of wisdom, as He revives the earth with the heavy rain of the sky". It is also good to assess their services, as well as, follow their advice and protect them.