Chapter Two : the First Stage : Stages Before Intercourse and During Pregnancy

Islam wants us to have providence with the child and to protect their psychological and physical soundness before their birth. This is by preparing domain for his movement and to arrange the necessary factors which will protect the child from psychological and physical weakness commencing from the selection of the husband or the wife and the circumstances surrounding the early stages of the child, that is the womb of his mother which played a great and effective role on the child's future and life movement. The features of this stage are pinpointed as below:-

Firslty : Stage Before Intercourse

It has been socially and scientifically established in its detailed research the inherited and societal effect in the composition and development of the child. Those inherited reflections may be physically or psychologically. [^1]

Most of the attributes are transferred to the children through the father, mother or their grand fathers like intelligence, unrest conduct, schizo phrenia, mental disorder, personal discipline, flexibility and leniency. This become means that assist in transferring this attributes to the children or the children will possess readiness to adopt them. This is in addition to the customs and the imitation of the children base on repetition of actions.[^2]

From this point of view Islam has emphasized on the selection of spouse, that is selection of the spouses from righteous family and from good environment.


From the teaching of Islam, it has considered selecting wife from two aspects: the heredity she descend from and the society where she lives and its reflection on her ways of life and conduct. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Choose for your semen because the maternal uncle is one of the spouses"[^3].

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Choose for your semen because the vein is a schemer"[^4].

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) does emphasize on selection of wife from the family that possess noble attributes of the hereditary effect it plays in the composition of the wife and that of her progeny. He (peace be upon him and his descendants) chooses Khadijah (peace be upon her) that delivered Fatima (peace be upon her) the best of the women. The Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) also followed this conduct by choosing their wives from descent families and making selections base on hereditary.

Islam laid emphasis on selecting wife from sound society and environment where she achieves good and sound conduct. It cautioned from unsound environment she is living. It also cautioned from marrying a beautiful ladies that was brought up from the fountain of evil. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Be aware of dung hill under the green grass ..... A beauty Women are fountain head of all evils"[^5].

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) also cautioned about prostitute and said: "Don't get married with a woman known to be prostitute"[^6].

Because she will creates the preparedness for such a bad action in her children.

Imam Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) warned from getting married with a mad woman fearing of transferring the attributes to the child, he was asked of that, he (peace be upon him) said: "No but if he possess a mad slave girl he can have sexual relation with her and should not seek from her child"[^7].

Imam Ali (peace be upon him) has also warned from getting married with a foolish woman because the attribute will transfer to the child and also did not attain the ability to give a sound training to the child: "Be aware of getting married to a foolish because her companionship is affliction and her children are lost"[^8].

Tradition has made emphasis that religious person should be the criterion for choosing a spouse and the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) do encourage that. A man came to the to him requesting for marriage, he (Peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Be aware of a religious woman, she will make your hand full"[^9].

Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) gives precedence to religious before wealth and beauty and said: "If a man marries because of her wealth and beauty, he will deputize to that but if he marries because of her being religious, Allah will provide him with beauty and wealth"[^10].

The woman that descend from sound family and lineage and was accompanied with religiousness has preceded in stages of education and her training to the children will be in line with the laid down Islamic laws for that respect and the recognized method will be generally accepted by the two spouses without contradiction nor opposition. The wife will be desirous to succeed in training processes and considered it an Islamic obligation before every thing. This obligation will made her shun any negative practices that will have effect on the children's emotional and psychological growth.


For the development and preparation of the children spiritually and psychologically the father has a great role to play that is why in the early stage, Islam laid emphasis on the selecting husband for laid down Islamic criterion to observe the hereditary and atmosphere that surround his brought up, his good and noble attributes because he is the model that the children follows; as his attributes and ethics reflected on them. In addition through the continuous living with the wife (the mother) also acquired some of his ethics and attributes.

The Prophet (Peace be upon him and his descendants) laid emphasis on choosing a competent husband and describe him with his saying (peace be upon him and his descendants) "Competency is to be modest and to has opportunity"[^11].

Competency is the one that descend from sound lineage, religious and elevated ethics.

Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) has cautioned from getting marriage with a man having psychological sickness and said: "Don't married them but married on doubt lady because women takes from her moral, religion and personality"[^12].

In choosing husband Islam put religiousness as the criterion. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Marry he that comes to you if you are pleased with his ethics and religion"[^13].

It is clear that Islam prohibited getting Marriage to none Muslim in order to protect the integrity of the children and the family in all aspect like the ideology, conduct, spiritual and psychology for their effect on the wife and the children through their emulating the husband and his mode of life.

Islam has also forbids getting married to unreligious person and those whose conduct has perverted from Islamic system in order to save guard the family and the children from behavioral and psychological perversion.

Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) has forbid getting marriage with a known fornicator. He (peace be upon him) said: "Don't marry a woman known to be fornicator and don't marry a man known to be fornicator expect you are aware of repentance from them"[^14].

Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) has also cautioned from getting marriage to an alcohol drinker. He (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever gave marriage of his daughter to an alcohol drinker has cut her kinship"[^15].

Perverted person negatively affect the soundness of the children's conduct for the reflection of his conduct on them and his unwillingness to train them.

This is in addition to the problem he created on the wife which prevail the spread of unrest and psychological anxiety in the family's atmosphere and has made the family's life distant from tranquility, calmness and constancy that the children need for their physical and spiritual growth.

Verily the mode of life of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) stood on the basis of choosing well qualified person for their sons and daughters. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) did not give Fatima's marriage (peace be upon her) to his great companions when they seek his hand but he gave them answer that he is waiting for Allah's decision. He later gave her marriage to Ali bn Abitalib (peace be upon him) with the commandment of Allah the most High.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) encourages a Muslim woman by name Zulfa'i known to be related to the family of Areeqah and was very beautiful to get married to Jubair a Muslim who did not possess wealth or handsomeness except religion.


After the process of selecting husband on basis of the noble Islamic criterions it commence gradually step by step with the child, in every step it has laid down a real foundation and laws for the child's composition and sound upbringing and the two spouses has nothing to do rather than to comply with the light of the laid down foundations and laws.

The Perfect and Majesty said : {And one of His signs is that He created for you mates from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He put between you love and mercy}[^16].

It made love, cordiality, change of noble compassion and sharp feelings as the relationship between the two spouses. In other for the continuity of this relationship Islam has call for fastening the two spouses with the measures which has been stipulated by the divine method in life.

The wedding eve is the first step for the relation and connection of the husband and wife. Then Islam ordered us to comply with these divine measures so that the relation will not be like that of animalistic one. Observing two unit recommended prayer by the two spouses is the first of this measure followed by praise, commendation of Allah and prayer for the holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and his house hold (peace be upon them) then seeks prayer for continuity of love and cordiality between them: (O' Allah provide me with her intimacy, cordiality and her pleasure with me, join us together with the best union, ease our harmony, verily you like lawful things and dislike unlawful things)[^17].

Complying with that create tranquility, constancy and calmness in the first step of meeting and there will be no chance for the wife to fill unrest and anxiety hence the wedding eve is entertain able with love and cordiality.

At the stage of sexual relation this prayer continues and it recommended to say:(O' Allah provide me with a male child and make pious and intelligence with out addition or subtraction and make his ending a better one ).The best recommended prayer in the first sexual relation is (In the name of Allah the beneficent the merciful)[^18].