The Family in Islam

Part Five : Problems and Safeguards Towards Maintaining Harmony

The Happy Household

Married life can vary greatly from couple to couple. One couple can make their home heavenly and happy through morals and virtues, good habits and sympathetic behaviour.

Another couple however, can be found to be the opposite of this, one or both of them being uncouth, violent and bad mannered or with bad habits whether it be smoking in the vicinity of the other person which can cause friction, or to be indiscreet and not to say anything, or by eating pungent foods like garlic, onions, and leeks. It is perhaps a familiar sight to see husbands fleeing from their homes to avoid their ill-mannered wives and vice versa when the wife occupies herself in a certain activity in order to avoid her husband.

The humanistic and Islamic view of society is that each of the married couple should respect and be aware of their partner's needs in their life and realise that they are also a human being with emotions, feelings and sensitivities and that any ill-mannered behaviour can cause pain and in many cases ends up in divorce and separation.

It is important that each partner wherever possible should overlook the slip-ups and mistakes of the other just as the prophet has ordered.

I myself once saw an ill-charactered man drive his wife to death and his second wife followed her. The person of bad character is generally driven by his behaviour towards bad consequences, while good character and morals usually lead to good consequences. This is the principle involved which the prophet made clear.

There is no doubt that human natures vary in goodness and badness. However, the effect upon the person of education and selfdevelopment cannot be denied. A person should educate himself in good personal relationships with others, as is mentioned in the Qur'an in the verse: '. . . good fellowship'73.

Maintaining an atmosphere in the household where no one party forces the other to work in the house or for the house can make the household peaceful and happy. Compulsion though can make the house into a hell on earth which can destroy all the occupants including any children there may be.

No to Extravagance! The married couple should avoid in particular extravagance and profligacy.

The difference between the two is that the former is to do with excess where the necessity remains in principle, while the latter is expenditure that is not necessary in the least.

In the Qur'an comes an indication that the seriousness of the second type is greater in the words: 'Spendthrifts are akin to devils'74, whereas this kind of seriousness has not been said of extravagance. In a hadith it is said 'Pouring out excess water and discarding a date is extravagance'75.

Certain laws relating to this subject have been highlighted in 'The Book of Food and Drink' in 'The Encyclopaedia of Fiqh'76. In another Hadith is said: 'God is merciful; to he who knows his capacity and does not transgress his limit'77. The lively society is one which makes use even of its refuse. Regarding the Qur'anic verse: 'God will revive the dead'77, the probable meaning is that they are of no use until God revives them and they become of the living.

At times, there may be a sense of competitiveness between the partners or between two families. This causes many evils, much to the delight of Satan, including extravagance, wastage and ostentation to the level of excess.

Imam 'Ali once gave a ruling that camel meat slaughtered as a form of 'one-upmanship' between two tribal leaders was forbidden and it was left to the scavengers. Perhaps the point is that getting the message across is more important than leaving the meat for the scavengers, even though the meat was slaughtered in a lawful manner.

In any case it is important that the married couple co-operate together from the outset with a view to creating a family whose basis is love and affection and whose driving force is purposefulness and reality, not squandering and extravagance, false facade and idle boasting.

Work Within the Household

Manual work within the household is a blessing which is necessary for psychological well being and beneficial for the body because it leads to health and well being. It is then important that the married couple should concern themselves with handiwork, and that each one choose for themselves some task or they both undertake it together. We can still remember the days when families use to work in their houses or outside in the garden or in the fields or the farmyards when people used to live a life of self-sufficiency not being in need of outsiders.

I myself remember the problems that the world experienced after World War II and the famine that struck humanity as a result of those wars. However, Iraq and certain other Islamic countries were not as affected by the famine due to their reliance upon their own produce. At that time, all needs were satisfied internally, and we did not need to import more than white sugar and some cloth. People used to make their own clothes on simple looms and didn't need imported cloth in any great measure. Our father78 (May the mercy of God be upon him) used to tell us to take our tea with dates or molasses whenever we needed sugar. Then, the entire imports of Iraq did not exceed 30 million Dinars, as all our needs were met from within the country.

These days however, after the flood of oil wells, these imports have reached tens of billions of Dinars but look at the state of Iraq, and the state of the people. One glance at the problems, poverty and hunger which is sweeping the country is enough to confirm the reality.79

Therefore a gradual independence from outsiders must be worked towards, through for example making the house into a workstation for the married couple.

It is also important that charitable organisations help provide opportunities for married couples and facilitate and stimulate work for them.