The Family in Islam

Part Eight : Marriage and Sex Etiquette

The following are some of the teachings of Rasulollah (S) and his Ma'soom Ahl-ul-Bayt (AS) concerning the etiquette of the Wedding Night as well as the ‘timing’ of sexual intercourse between the husband and wife. They are reproduced here for their immense importance on the health of the child and the mother. The first section below deals with the etiquette of marriage and the wedding night (Zafaaf).

The time of performing the marriage contract - the AQD Imam Ja'ffar al-Saadiq (AS) said: “Do not perform the marriage contract – the AQD – when the moon is going through the scorpion phase, for if you do that, it will not be a happy marriage.”

In another report from al-Imam al-Saadiq (AS): “Do not perform the marriage contract – the AQD – in direct sunlight, for this would lead to the miscarriage of the child.”

Etiquette of The Wedding Night

It is reported that Rasulollah (S) said to Imam Ali (AS) “After the bride enters your room and sits down, take off her shoes and wash her feet and pour the water (from this washing) to the furthest point of your house. For if you do that, Allah will drive away seventy kinds of poverty from your house, and He will enter into your house seventy types of riches, and seventy kinds of blessings, and He will descend seventy kinds of mercy upon you, which will hover over your bride’s head until every corner of your house is filled with blessings. And in doing so the bride shall be immune from mental illness and leprosy as long as she is in that house.”

It is reported in the hadith of the Ahl-ul-Bayt that it is Mustahab and desirable for the newly wed couple to pray two Rak’ah of prayer and after the prayer the groom should praise Allah and say the Salawaat of Muhammad and Aal-e Muhammad and say: Allahummar-Zuqni Ulfaha wa Wuddaha wa Ridhaha be; wa-Ardhini beha, Wajma' baynana be-Ahsani Ejtimaa' wa Aysari E'tilaaf, fa Innaka Tuhibb-ul-Halal wa Takrah-ul-Haram. {{{O Allah! Give me her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, And bring us together in the best form of a union and in the best of harmony, Surely You like the Halal and dislike the Haram. }}}

Imam Saadiq (AS) said to some of his companions:

“When your bride enters your room both turn to the Qiblah and say: Allahumma be Amanatika Akhathtuha wa be Kalimaatika Estahlaltuha, Fa in Qadhayta Li Minha Waladan, faj'alhu Mubarakan Taqiyyan min Shi'ati Al-e Muhammad (sal-lal-lahu alayhi wa alihi wa sallam) Walaa taj-'al Lish-Shaytani fihi Shirkan walaa Nasiba.

‘O Allah with Your trust I have accepted her, and with Your words I have made her Halaal to myself, so if You decree for me a child from her, make the child blessed and pious, and follower of the Ahl-ul-Bayt (AS), and do not allow for the Shaytaan to have any share or part in the child.’” And if the groom wanted to make love with his bride; he should first read the following Du’a:

“Allahummar-Zuqni Waladan, waj-‘alhu Taqeyyan Zakeyyan; Laysa Fi Khalqihi Zeyaadatan wa la Nuqsaan, Waj-‘al Aaqibatahu ila al-Khayr” {{O Allah! Give me a child who is pious and pure in whose creation there is nothing missing or overgrown. And make their fate and destiny good and prosperous.}}} At the moment of love making one should say Bismillah al- Rahmaan al-Raheem.

In a hadith from al-Imam al-Saadiq (AS): “Do not arrange for the wedding night to coincide with the moon going through the scorpion phase, for would not lead to a happy marriage.” During the first week of marriage . . . . It is reported that Rasulollah (S) said to Imam Ali (AS) “Prevent the bride from eating four things in her first week of marriage:

Dairy products
Vinegar
Coriander
Sour apple

Imam Ali (AS) asked for the reason for this, Rasulollah (S) replied: “Since these four (could) make the womb cool and barren, . . . .” For if she menstruates after consuming vinegar she will never be entirely clean (from her menstruation), [i.e. she will continue to experience minor bleeding outside her normal monthly period.] And coriander will intensify the bleeding of her menstruation inside her, and exacerbate her labor if she were to give birth.

And the sour apple would stop her menstruation bleeding which would be an illness for her . . .”

Designer Babies . . . Etiquette and Timing of Lovemaking There is very important advice that Rasulollah (S) has given to Imam Ali (AS), which has significant outcomes, and this is given below in full.

As can be seen from the following hadith, the date and time of the intercourse and therefore conception has a direct and defining impact on the character of the child conceived. (A) Dates and times when lovemaking is Makruh (undesirable)

“. . . 1. Do not have intercourse with your wife on the First, Middle, and Last day of the (lunar) month, for it will hasten mental illness and leprosy for her and her child.

Do not have intercourse with your wife in the after noon, for if a child were conceived at that time, s/he would be cross-eyed, and the Shaytaan is pleased when a human is cross-eyed.
Do not speak while lovemaking, for if a child were conceived, he would not be immune from being dumb.
One should not look into his wife’s vagina for this brings about blindness (in the child).
Do not make love with your wife with the desire of and lust for another woman (in your mind), for I fear that if a male child were conceived at that moment he would be Mukhannath (one who desires other men to have sex with him), effeminate, and stupid.
One who is in the status of Junub in bed with wife should not read the Qur’an for I fear that fire might descend upon them and burn them.
Do not make love unless each of you has a piece of cloth to clean yourselves with. For if you use the same cloth, enmity would befall between you and this brings about separation and divorce.
Do not have intercourse with your wife standing up, for this is the conduct of the donkey, and if a child were conceived (in that state) s/he would urinate in bed, just as the donkey urinates everywhere.
Do not make love with your wife on the eve of Eid-ul-Fitr, for if a child were conceived as a result, that child would not be but evildoer.
Do not make love with your wife on the eve of Eid-ul-Adhha (Eid-e-Qurban), for if a child were conceived as a result, that child would have either six fingers or four.
Do not make love with your wife under a fruit-bearing tree, for if a child were conceived as a result, s/he would be torturer, or a murderer or a spy (for an oppressive government against the Mu’minin.)
Do not make love with your wife under direct sunshine, unless you set up a screen to cover you up, for if a child were conceived as a result, s/he will continue to live in poverty until s/he dies.
Do not make love with your wife between the Adhaan and the Iqamah, for if a child were conceived as a result, s/he would be eager to shed blood.
If your wife were pregnant, do not make love with her unless you have Wudhu, otherwise the child would be blind-hearted and stingy.
Do not make love with your wife on the eve of mid-Sha’baan, for if a child were conceived as a result, the child would be disfigured with large spots on his face.
Do not make love with your wife if there were two days left to the (lunar) month, for if a child were conceived as a result, s/he would be cAshshaar (inspector/collector of tax (which is illegal from the Islamic point of view)), or an assistant to the oppressor, and many people would perish at their hands.
Do not make love with your wife on the roof top of a building, for if a child were conceived as a result, s/he would be hypocrite, show-off, and commit Bid’ah.
If you have travelled, do not make love with your wife on that night, for if a child were conceived as a result, s/he would give his/her money in a false way, [then Rasulollah (S) recited] ..Verily the spendthrifts are the brothers of the Satans... (17:27).
Do not make love with your wife if you are on a journey of three days and nights, for if a child were conceived as a result, s/he would be helper and assistant to ever oppressor.

(B) Dates and times when lovemaking is Mustahab (desirable)

O Ali! You are highly encouraged to make love on the eve of Monday, for if a child were conceived, s/he would be a memoriser (Hafiz) of the Book of Allah, and pleased with whatever Allah has bestowed upon him/her.
If you make love with your wife on the eve of Tuesday and a child were conceived, s/he would be bestowed the Martyrdom, after the declaration of “There is no god but Allah, Muhammad is Rasulollah”, and Allah would not punish him with the polytheists. Her/his mouth would smell pleasant, s/he would be kind-hearted, generous and freehanded, her/his tongue would be pure from backbite, lie, and accusation.
If you make love with your wife on the eve of Thursday and a child were conceived, s/he would be one of the rulers, or one of the scholars.
If you make love with your wife on Thursday when the sun passes the middle of the sky (after noon), and a child were conceived, s/he would be less prone to the temptations of the Shaytaan. S/he would be intelligent and Allah Exalted and Praised is He would bestow upon her/him health and safety in the Deen and the material life.
And if you make love to your wife on the eve of Friday, and there were a child conceived, s/he would be an eloquent lecturer / preacher.
And if you make love to your wife on Friday afternoon, and there were a child conceived, s/he would be a renowned scholar.
And if you make love to your wife on the eve of Friday, after the ‘Eshaa’ and there were a child conceived, it is hoped that InSha’Allah s/he would be one of the ABDAAL (i.e. those pious individuals that the earth is never without one, if one of them dies another would replace him.)
Do not make love to your wife during the first hour of the night, for if there were a child conceived, it is feared that s/he would be a sorcerer, swindler who prefers this world to the hereafter.

Remember and keep this advice from me, just as I have remembered and kept it from my brother Jibra’il.”