The Family in Islam

Part Three : the Married Couple: Conditions, Rights, and Customs

Religion and Morals

The noble Prophet has said: ‘If one comes to you whose religion and morals please you then marry them'46. This criterion that the prophet has mentioned is the criterion of common sense also. Naturally the person must be able to provide for his family if the wife so needs, just as he should not be an invalid particularly with a venereal disease or that, which incapacitates him from fulfilling the sexual needs of the wife. If the behaviour of either of the married couple is not good, the house becomes like a hell, and if one or other of them does not have a code of conduct, which keeps them from wrongdoing then the man, might even be prepared for his wife to become a prostitute. Religion and morals can be judged from previous behaviour, and as to whether he or she is capable of bearing children can be known from the relatives47 and from certain medical checks.

As for beauty, wealth, position, and social status and so on, they are not in the least bit essential (impossible as not everyone is beautiful and wealthy).

As for age, for if the balance of Islam in marrying every widow and widower is looked at then no fault could be found in either comparing age or neglecting to do so although it is probably better to pay attention to this element also. Hence the Qur'anic reference to the People of Heaven as 'equal in age'.48

Hence we still see, even in this age, that this is the custom of many Muslims although it was more prevalent in the past when it was Islamic.

The wearing of the veil for women is also part of the religion as is restraint by men from practising forbidden acts, particularly in this material age with its voracious appetite for lust and seduction.

Means of Subsistence

There is no doubt that being able to expend to run the household is one of the most important matters of married life. Allah states in the Qur’an: ‘If they are poor then Allah will enrich them from His bounty'.49

This is correct one hundred percent. This is because the unmarried man does not have the motivation to earn money in the same way that the man who feels a responsibility does. This in addition to the fact that it is a matter from the unseen world as is everything we see in this world; it has its apparent cause and its real cause which is the will of Allah.

However, despite this, a means of subsistence should be acquired including place of abode and other needs. Islam has laid down laws in this respect like ‘the land belongs to Allah and whoever develops it’50, or ‘whoever attains something which no other Muslim has first attained then he has the greater right to it'.51 Therefore it is possible that a charitable organisation could build simple homes on land with wells or the like for general water and rainwater tanks for drinking water, with an orchard for fruits and vegetables and rearing animals. Then they could be leased which would make things very simple for housing and food and also clothing which could be made from the wool of the animals reared in the house. If there were someone in the house who could sew or perform another task for the family then that would be enough to cover half the expenses. The other half could be obtained by work, which also promotes physical and mental health, self-satisfaction and independence from others.

So if God blesses us with manufacture and agriculture and we have water and earth and willing hands, we will have become independent from others. As ‘Ali said: ‘Become independent from whoever you wish and you will become his equal'.52

Equality

Islam has made the Muslim man an equal to the Muslim woman. This tenet was in effect in Islamic lands until the appearance of nationalisms and geographical borders which were artificially created by the West to split up the Muslims and their country. These two tactics were adopted by various dictatorial rulers to assist them towards more despotism and more provinces for their sponsors who put them into power in the country on the condition that they implement their decisions, as well as the fact that this completes their deception.

I remember that the people coming to Iraq from India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Iran, from the Gulf, Syria and Lebanon used to marry amongst each other and with Iraqis and vice versa. The same was true of any land transactions even after the fall of the aforementioned rules of land and precedence.

Colonialism and its agents set out to demolish the laws of Islam and replace them with their own laws. With the same ease as marriage and selling took place, so did buying and obtaining free goods such as salt and fish and the like. The same can be said for freedom of movement without passport, there being no geographical borders, along with all the other tenets of Islam that have been gradually eroded. At that time there was no barrier to any of the Islamic freedoms nor was there any tax on anything.

In any case, it is imperative that Muslims concern themselves, except in cases where they are compelled by force of arms, with bringing back the laws of Islam in every aspect of their lives. This includes the condition of equality between the married couple as stated by Islam and has been shown by the jurists in their explanatory books and their practical essays. Then the darkness may be lifted gradually just as it came to our lands gradually.

Abolition of Conditions

It is imperative that all man-made conditions which have no connection with Islam are abolished from the marital agreement. Granted, if something is made a condition and it is religiously acceptable then it may be agreed upon by the two parties, but as the saying goes: the more restrictions there are on something the less frequently it occurs.

Every complication lessens the opportunity for marriage whether it be the conditions of the groom or of the bride. It is probable that when a law imposes a condition it seeks to solve a certain problem, but problems are increased from another perspective. For example a law seeking to prevent thieves from stealing by night might impose a curfew.

The basis of marriage in Islam is simplicity and keeping away from complications and un-Islamic traditions and surplus formalities, which are routinely imposed. Among that which simplifies marriage is that no fee is taken for the marriage contract, as was the case in Iraq fifty years ago when the scholars who used to formulate the contracts were prevented from taking payment for discharging their services.53

There is no doubt that complexity however small and minor causes delays and in any number add up to a greater delay. Therefore if these matters were abolished along with all the other officialities of which there are an abundance these days, marriage would become easy and would be popular among young men and women as well as divorcees and so on.

The Couple's Happiness

The principle that 'people have dominion over their wealth and their own selves' is an important one Islamically.54 The West has progressed and flourished relative to the extent it has practised it. Muslims have regressed whenever they have neglected and ignored it.

This principle must be applied to the married couple. They are, together, free in the choices they make in everything that God has permitted. The only exception which many scholars have noted is in the rights of the virgin girl if her father or paternal grandfather are living, in which case she is subject to their opinion and requires their permission to marry. When the giving of permission is feasible and no other secondary principle applies, then her wishes should be satisfied and permission given.

Similarly, it is not at all conceivable that the young man or woman should be compelled to marry a certain person. Not only is this against the sacred law and common sense, it very often causes problems, the least of which are separation, estrangement and divorce, and in some cases can reach the level of murder and suicide as is common today.

What place is there for compulsion in the relationship of marriage the meaning of which is the intimate companionship of husband and wife by day and by night at home or abroad, and throughout all the circumstances and mental states of each party? Therefore the marriage of the two must arise out of mutual agreement and no one should have the right to force them to marry.

Idolatry of Traditions

There are certain traditions that have become so widespread as to be now generally accepted as if they were God given laws whereas they do not in reality have any connection with Islam. They are in fact contradictory to the laws of God. The idolatry of customs and the prevalence of deviations is a major problem which faces almost every country. Hence, the necessity arises for visionaries and academics to undertake a courageous stand against this crippling malady and to point out its weaknesses.

These traditions at times assume a holy nature which can make the people all the more ready to believe them and put them into practice. It is not proper either from a religious or intellectual standpoint to pay attention to the compatibility of star signs of the husband or the wife, and although it is correct that a marriage taking place when the moon is in Scorpio will not be joyous, even this may be eliminated through supplication, Qur'anic verses or almsgiving.

There are also certain foreign customs that have reached the Islamic world which observe that the married couple should not be related in any way. This is not correct as can be seen in the marriage of 'Ali and Fatima and certain of the Imams and their sons. It is related that the Emissary of God looked to the children of 'Ali and those of ‘Aqueel saying 'Our daughters are for our sons and our sons are for our daughters'.55 Indeed, the habit of Muslims from the beginning of Islam was to marry between cousins on the mother's and father's side. (This is based on the fact that Allah Almighty has condoned and encouraged cousin marriage as it is evident from the holy Qur’an, “O Prophet! Verily We have made lawful for you your wives whom you have given their dowry . . . and the daughters of your paternal uncle, and the daughters of your paternal aunts, and the daughters of your maternal uncle, and the daughters of your maternal aunts . . .” Chapter 33, verse 50.)

Whatever the case may be, Islamic standards should not be mixed up with Western standards.

The Rights of the Married Couple

The husband has no right over his wife other than the conjugal right, and in the matter of her exit from the house for purposes other than in fulfilling her duties56 since: 'No creature should be obeyed at the cost of disobedience to the Creator'.57 These rights are brought together in the following Qur'anic verses: 'And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them according to what is equitable'.58

'They are your garments and ye are their garments'.59 'But men have a degree over them'.60 There is absolutely no right for the husband to transgress with regards to his wife, especially as the marriage has taken place with her consent and with her ability to make conditions and that she has certain rights over the wealth of the man if he divorces her as well as other choices which are at her discretion. She also has the right to make the condition that the man does not marry another beside her, and that she can be the agent in divorcing herself, and that he can not divorce her - as many scholars believe - according to the report that Mansour Ibn Younis said: ' I said to Abu Al-Hasan that one of my colleagues had a wife whom he divorced so she left him.

Subsequently he wished her back but the woman said " I will never marry you until you agree not to divorce me and not to marry another besides me". So Abu Al-Hasan asked whether he did so and I said Yes. He said 'He has done ill'. Then he said 'But now, tell him that the condition should stand, for the Emissary of Allah has said, "The Muslims should stand by their personal conditions".

This was related by Sheikh Murtada in Al-Makasib. Further detailed study of the hadith and pronouncements of the jurists can be found in the book of Fiqh.61