Child Psychology

7- Intruct the Child Once Only For Better

Attention & Compliance

Many years ago a father, accompanied by his son, visited me for a professional advice. He introduced himself as a landlord. The son appeared to be in his late twenties.

On the conclusion of a satisfactory consultation. the father turned directly to the son and instructed him what to do in the matter. The father chose to give the instruction in my presence perhaps to ensure that it was correctly articulated as discussed. However, as if the articulation was not assuring enough and the time already taken was not long enough. the father repeated the instruction. This time he repeated also some words, the planned timing, and the names and places concerned in the con- tents of the instruction over and over again much to my concealed disgust and to the visible boredom of the son.

Now! I got the clue why the son was not so attentive to the instruction at the first " time. It was obviously because he was well trained since childhood to wait for a repetition of every instruction given.

And yet one more clue! The father had also kept on repeating to me his questions to prompt me into repeating my answers during the discussion. It was obvious that he too was made a victim of this family-trait in his childhood and he was dutifully pass- Mental Hazard The indications were that the repetition of the instruction in my office was not going to be last one from the father to the son.

The full sympathy is for the wife, the work-subordinates or the employees and the house-servants of such a person, because this type of a chain of onslaught of boredom can be a mental hazard and therefore, a cause for parting ways!

With the complexities of the present life as we know of. let us be conscious of the dictum that: "Time has become a precious commodity; making and retaining friends an art and to be counted as being among the per- sons with a polished or refined personality a challenge." Nothing is more un-nerving than listening to a same piece of information, advice or instruction repetitively at the same moment. It goes against the dictum.

For any errand or assignment, have the habit of saying your instruction once only to the child and surprise yourself with the results. Your instruction wins his sharp attention and a secured place in his memory for a perfect compliance -because it was said once, as always! He too will adopt and pass on this polished culture down in the family.

Another Dimension.

However, there is also another dimension to this unpleasant weakness. The child who has been made habituated to responding only after a repeated instruction is likely to grow up as an adult with yet a greater weakness. While he would show immediate willingness to do a favour upon a request, he would act only after the request has been repeated even if the favour was small or simple. There are those amongst us who express a request only once for a favour. Repeating the request is avoided because it amounts to begging.

A person makes an inconsiderate spouse in the family; also an unkind son or a daughter to the aged parents if the person habitually needs a repetition of almost every small request before he would remember to oblige. Often the repetition awaited never appears and the request drifts from the memory as if it never existed. The favour is deemed to have been denied when the intention was not so.

8- The Child's FIrst Participation in a Religious

Congregation There always comes a time when a child is seen old enough to be taken for the first time to a mosque. He has some knowledge of tahaarat (cleanliness) and ehteraam (respect) for the mosque.

Incidentally, that is also the age when the child can be allowed the benefit of his "first impression to be his lasting one" with regard to his first experiences that he comes across in his life and the values attached to them.

Parents need to believe and make the child also believe that his first participation in a congregational prayer is a momentous occasion for him and for the family, which indeed is, if only they knew!

The first impact and impression of the child regarding the occasion will leave lasting imprints in his memory. A person belongs to where his memories are. Some child- hood memories always survive sharply to create the desire to relive the occasions. And he later in his adult life relives the occasion like this sub-consciously by maintaining regularity in the attendance of daily prayers.

Planning & Preparation

But this has to be preceded by an enthusiastic planning and ostentatious preparation for the child to notice. So the child's inquisitive nature makes him attentive to the talk going on around him about certain prior arrangements and time-schedules, and he knows in his own small way that there is in the air an important occasion out.

His interest however, sharpens with great expectations when he hears the debate whether he is old enough for his first participation -and if he is, what smart clothes he can put on.

The child's first attendance inside a mosque should be planned as a big favour from the parents and accorded an appropriate ostentation and importance. To register a maximum importance of the occasion on the child, the day fixed is later than earlier to plunge him into a longer duration of raised expectations so that he has also time to raise the subject of the anticipated big day in the family and reveal it in confidence to the neighbours' children.

Self-identity

The plan should provide for an early arrival at the mosque to enable the child, in his new suitable dress for the occasion, to be taken round for the inspection of the facilities and general familiarisation so that he begins to feel "at home". He is introduced to relatives and family-friends in the mosque before and to some after the congregational prayer and later to the Imam of the congregation also. The introduction is by his name to accord him a self-identity and acknowledge his distinct personality.

What is needed to be avoided however, is the regimental warning of 'dos and donts' while in the mosque or pointing out to the child his mistakes in observing the discipline of the congregational prayer, and more importantly, avoiding the day when there is a sermon and lengthy proceedings. Children cannot maintain concentration longer at a stretch.. Spells of boredom are counter-productive.

The first participation in the mosque serves only as a maiden experience to sink in and not as a start for a regular attendance. The subsequent attendance should be at intervals, preferably at the child's own request to be followed by an incentive like a visit to a candy shop or an ice-cream parlour before returning home.

The child, when adult and himself a parent, will cherish the memory of such first experience and think very kindly of his parents when they are deceased. The parents and the mosque become linked for a centre place in the memory. He cannot belong to the parents when they are no more in this world, but he belongs to the euphoric memories in which they feature!

In a good Muslim family a child's best and lingering memories are of the parents taking pain to teach him the obligations in Islam.