Family Life
Section 9: How To Develop Self-Esteem
How you feel about yourself affects every aspect of your life including
place of work, in relationship and as a parent. It is the key to success
or failure and instrumental in understanding yourself and others. Self–
esteem has two components:
• A feeling of personal competence
• A feeling of personal worth.
It reflects a belief in your ability to cope with the challenges of
life and it is your right to be happy. It is the ability to value you
with dignity, love and respect.
The higher your self-esteem, the more resilient, creative and ambitious
– and as a result, successful – you are likely to be.
Self-esteem is not a static condition and is always a matter of
degree - no one is entirely lacking in positive self-esteem.
One way to measure self-esteem is to evaluate your ability to
authentically be your true self.
Am I generally honest with myself …. About what I am feeling? Accepting
and experiencing my emotions, without feeling compelled to act on
them.
In the process of growing up, confidence and self-respect can be
nurtured or undermined, depending on whether children are loved and
valued as they are, and encouraged to trust themselves and their
feelings.
Strict attentive parents who set unrealistic ever-higher goals for
children can just cause as much as parents who are indifferent and do
not demand enough.
The average child has been reprimanded an estimated 150,000 times by
the age of 12. As a result, it is not surprising that people become
excessively self-critical, out to touch with their feelings and look
outside themselves for approval. This can lead to a desperate need for
recognition and status from others and an internal pressure to be
“perfect”. People who do attain success without developing positive
self-esteem go through life feeling like impostors fearing exposure.
Often people look for self-confidence and self-respect everywhere
except within themselves. They say, “If I only could get the promotion,
the new car or the admiration of others, then I would really feel good
about myself”. This quest is doomed to failure because it is only in the
way we respond to ourselves …… giving ourselves the love and approval we
are looking for - that creating the feeling of peace and success.
Develop your self-esteem with honesty, good actions and acknowledgement …..
Honesty
Honesty refers to living consciously facing reality (whether pleasantly
or painfully) and confronting rather than avoiding difficulties.
Self-honesty also requires self-acceptance, which is a refusal to denial
or disown any aspect of the self, including thoughts, emotions, physical
attributes and actions.
Self-acceptance is the foundation of all growth and change. It means thinking independently, valuing your own opinions and feelings other than relying on what other people think about.
Taking action
Taking action means taking responsibility for the fulfillment of your
own desires and decisions. You set your own goals and then take steps to
achieve them this may mean, gathering up every ounce of courage you have
and taking the tiniest of bay steps, but that is the key to living
actively rather than passively. Completion – even of the smallest
beginning step-is an important part of taking action, because it is the
major motivation to taking the next step.
Acknowledgement
Acknowledgement includes observing and evaluating the results of your
actions with honesty and compassion. It means giving yourself approval
and reward for your success, even if your success only lies in being
brave enough in taking the action.
By being honest, taking action and acknowledging yourself for your efforts, you are not only behaving with self-respect but you are creating deeper self-confidence in yourself and your abilities each time you follow through.
Tips For Enhancing Self-Esteem
Train peoples how to treat you by treating yourself well and insisting
others to do so too.
• Practice positive self-talk to help improve your self-image. Allow your self-image to be like an invisible shield so that undeserved criticism will bounce right off.
• Develop courage - challenge yourself to do one scary (positive) thing each day. Taking risks builds self-esteem because facing your fears helps you to gain confidence.
• Ask yourself:
“How can I get more of what makes me feel successful and happy in my
life?” Do something nice for yourself every day.
• Treat yourself as a friend, with the same courtesies, love and compassions you had given to a trusted friend.
• Believe in your own best intentions and trust your own innate goodness. Be gentle with yourself.
• Take good care of your body. Exercise and healthy living, helps you to feel good about yourself.
• Do something useful for others. Sometimes stepping outside yourself, forgetting your own worries and helping someone else can give your self-esteem a big boost.